Nicole vs. Life
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
