Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we made out on top of his cat.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
