his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
