so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
