I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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