chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I die, sorry about rent.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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