WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
