I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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