Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I skipped work to stalk him.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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