I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
