I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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