Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
