im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
