I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
handjob tips. give me some.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
