My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
