Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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