i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my sisters under your porch take her home
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
