Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Shame - the story of my life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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