well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
