When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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