Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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