last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
