Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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