did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Someone came in the potted fern
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Text me some of your sweat
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