i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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