do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
