im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
