laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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