God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
