i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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