Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
