Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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