I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
