Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
