She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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