Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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