Duck Duck Cougar?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
