she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
