First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
