perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When are your genitals available?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
