One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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