miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
