u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
