i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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