sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im six kinds of drunk right now
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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