is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
