I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
