there was a trapeze. enough said
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
