Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
