When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
