At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
