just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
