So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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