He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
