i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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