hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
