Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
