he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
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