My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
