he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We need to get me chipped asap
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
