my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
