Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
