I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
