me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
