i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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