Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
