girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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