In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
