Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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