now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
