My nipple is on Facebook.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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