Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
