I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
